Kai's Story
by StarlightPhoenix
Summary: COMPLETE Kai is so sick and tired of being pushed around by his Grandfather Voltaire, that he decides to leave. And he does, but things don't turn out the way he planned. Later on, he meets a young boy and his band, marking a turning point in his life.
1. Chapter 1 A New Beginning

**Chapter One: A New Beginning**

I turned my back and stormed off, Voltaire shouting after me. Right then I was so infuriated I could've turned right back round and shown him what for, but I remained calm and didn't.

"Kai, get here!"

I carried on, once again revealing my more defiant side.

"Don't disobey me. That's what started this."

I sniggered. "Is it?"

"I don't understand. What's making you feel like this?"

"Try opening your eyes."

"Are you just going to walk away from this?"

"Yes, Voltaire. Yes, I am." By now I was at the top of the stairs.

"You'll be sorry, Kai."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "I'll be sorry?" I repeated. "Yeah? Well, I already am. I'm sorry I'm not what you thought. I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm not you. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. My most sincere apologies to you."

"Kai…"

I slammed my bedroom door shut after me. Still furious, I put on my tunes for some serious stress relief. Don't Stay by my favourite band, Linkin Park, was the first thing to come on.

I lay on my bed, listening intensely to the lyrics.

_Sometimes I_

_Need to remember just to breathe_

_Sometimes I_

_Need you to stay away from me_

_Sometimes I'm_

_In disbelief I didn't know_

_Somehow I_

_Need you to go_

_Sometimes I_

_Feel like I trusted you too well_

_Sometimes I_

_Just feel like screaming at myself_

_Sometimes I'm_

_In disbelief I didn't know_

_Somehow I_

_Need to be alone_

_Don't stay_

_Forget our memories_

_Forget our possibilities_

_What you were changing me into_

_Just give me myself back and_

_Don't stay_

_Forget our memories_

_Forget our possibilities_

_Take all your faithlessness with you_

_Just give me myself back and_

_Don't stay_

_I don't need you anymore_

_I don't want to be ignored_

_I don't need one more day_

_Of you wasting me away_

It was amazing how much that one song related to me. It was like Chester and Mike decided to write a song on the life and times of me. I laughed at the thought.

And before I knew it, another 'Kai' song came on and I found myself concentrating on that.

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_What I thought was never real_

_I want to let go of the pain I've held so long_

_Erase all the pain 'til it's gone_

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along_

_Somewhere I belong_

I hit the pause button. I looked around, examining every inch of my room. This mansion was my home, but it didn't feel like it. It was cold and distant, not warm and comforting. It's all I ever wanted, to feel loved, but that's never going to be possible if Voltaire's around.

This time I pressed the stop and open/close buttons and took out 'Hybrid Theory', 'Meteora', Green Day's 'American Idiot' and My Chemical Romance's 'Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge', my essential albums.

I swung open my wardrobe door, nearly pulling it off its hinges. I pulled out a pair of blue cargo pants, jeans and a pair of chocolate brown combats. As for my torso I got my most treasured item, my Linkin Park hoody and a plain black, long-sleeved jumper. From my drawers I got several pairs of spare underwear, spare socks, my Green Day and My Chemical Romance t-shirts ad two white shirts, one short- and one long-sleeved.

Folded neatly I stuffed them in the bottom of my school bag. It wasn't very big – it was just a normal backpack – but it was spacious enough, though afterwards I didn't have much space left.

Next, I went down again and raided the kitchen fridge of any and all snacks I could find, and returned to my room.

I searched out my CD player; vaguely telling myself that the next thing I would invest in would be a MP3 player.

I out the food where my clothes were and the CD player in one of the side pockets.

I was so stoked to be getting away I was trembling. I sat on the edge of my bed in thought.

Where was I to go? I couldn't slum it forever. And what if Voltaire tracked me down? I'd have to return to Hell again.

So what was I to do? I had no one to turn to. I've been isolated all my life. And God knows where my parents were. Literally. He does. Major dilemma. Should I stay and face a life of anguish, or go to find absolute nothing?

At least if I left I could find someone else. So that was that. I was going to go, but that still left me with the choice of a destination. The streets of St. Petersburg were cold and daunting.

I sighed, falling backwards and allowing my head to rest on the pillow.

"I suppose the destination doesn't matter," I thought. "Besides, if things hit rock bottom I'd always be able to return."

I drifted off into a deep slumber, knowing I'd have to leave at night.

_**Kai's Dream**_

_Snow drifted down gently from the skies. The Russians love it when it snows. I do too. A troika came past me, the horses trotting majestically. In the distance was Balkov Abbey, where the source of my misery resided. I'd made my escape at last._

_I grinned and ran forward, the whole world beckoning me. This was the beginning of my adventure, of my story. I wasn't going to screw it up._

_Pedestrians whooped and cheered, yelling for me to go for it. I felt special for one moment in my entire life._

_After I got short of breath I slowed it down to a walk. I inspected every bit of the outside world: the bookstore, the butcher's, and the post office. This smile was permanent._

_Then all of a sudden the sky darkened. I stopped, feeling the ground crumble beneath my feet. Looking down, I stared into a crimson pit._

"_No! I'm not going back!" I screamed._

_The street disintegrated further and I was swallowed up whole._

I bolted upright, sweat rolling off my jaw and onto my legs. I swung them over the bed and pulled myself up. It was dark outside. Time to go.

I shoved my wallet into the pocket of my trousers. Plenty of money to get me by.

I swung the backpack over my shoulder and crept downstairs, evading the sixth step down. It creaked like Hell.

I checked everything off in my mind. "Clothes, food, money, music, keys. Yep, that's everything. Wait!"

I snuck into the kitchen, found a pen and a piece of paper, and sat at the table. I let my thoughts flood the page.

"_Voltaire,_

_How can I put this? Well, I'm leaving. Don't bother trying to find me, not that you'd think twice about that anyway. Truth is, I can't stand the pain you force me through._

_I'm sorry, yeah? I'm sorry for not being perfect, but I can't help who I am, what I do. I'll never be anything else. So I'm sorry for wasting all these years. So long,_

_Kai."_

Satisfied I left it there and made my way back to the front door.

Taking a deep breath, I exited and locked the door again, hopefully so no one noticed. This really was the beginning of my story.

I headed off into the darkness, leaving my past and memories behind me and heading to a brighter future.


	2. Chapter 2 Damned and Cliched

**Chapter Two: Damned and Clichéd**

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless_

_Lost under the surface_

_I don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure_

_Of walking in your shoes_

_Caught in the undertow/_

_Just caught in the undertow_

_Every step that I take is_

_Another mistake to you_

_I've_

_Become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired_

_So much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do_

_Is be more like me_

_And be less like you_

_Can't you see that you're smothering me?_

_Holding too tightly_

_Afraid to lose control_

_'Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you_

_Caught in the undertow/_

_Just caught in the undertow_

_Every step I take is_

_Another mistake to you_

_Caught in the undertow/_

_Just caught in the undertow_

_And every second I waste_

_Is more than I can take_

_And I know_

_I may end up failing too_

_But I know_

_You were just like me_

_With someone disappointed in you_

My head nodded and my foot tapped involuntary along to the beat of the music. Snow drifted down softly, occasionally melting on the tip of my nose. The queue was massive, and all I wanted was a latte.

I was stood in the line of a little cafe. It wasn't big. In fact, it was more like a drive-through. There was no inside to it apart from the staff area; the check-out was at the window. Like I said, it wasn't a big place, but it was welcoming.

A couple of minutes later it was my turn to be served. I decided against the latte - it was too expensive - and just got a coffee instead. I held it close, allowing its heat to warm me.

I continued ambling the streets of St. Petersburg, still undecided on what to do and where to go. Right now it was sightseeing and anywhere.

I sat down for a rest on a park bench. I gazed at the snow-covered swings. A young boy, about seven years of age, came and sat down on one, begging his mother to push him. His face turned to disappointment when she told him she couldn't, that she had to feed the baby.

I put the polystyrene cup down and walked over. I bent down for eye contact.

"Would you like me to push you?" I smiled.

He looked uncertainly at his mum, who nodded.

"Yes... please," he stuttered.

I gently pushed him. He giggled with excitement, the very same way I did when I was a child. It was on these very swings...

Kai's Flashback

_"Hey, Grandpa! Look! I'm doing it! I'm swinging!" I laughed, swinging back and forth for the very first time._

_"Not now, Kai."_

"But Grandpa..."

_"I said wait, Kai!" Voltaire roared._

_My head shrunk into my shoulders and I continued swinging._

_A while later, Voltaire took my hand and dragged me away._

_"Kai, I was in the middle of a business meeting," he explained._

_"Don't you usually do them in your office?" He remained silent. I bowed my head, jogging to catch up with Voltaire's huge stride._

When I looked up the boy and his mother had gone. Not only that, but my coffee had gone cold, too. Great.

I sat down on the swing, on which the boy was previously seated. I stared at the dirt, periodically swinging. I sat thinking. Everything seemed to refer back to Voltaire.

Eventually I carried on, once a crowd began to form.

I was walking down the main street when a familiar melody entered my ears, though it was far from the original.

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Than face all this pain here all alone_

_Something has been taken_

_From deep inside of me_

_A secret I've kept locked away_

_No-one can ever see_

_Wounds so deep they never show_

_They never go away_

_Like moving pictures in my head_

_For years and years they've played_

_If I could change I would_

_Take back the pain I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made I would_

_If I could_

_Stand up and take the blame I would_

_If I could take all the shame to the grave I would_

As I got further down the street I saw what it was. A group of kids, maybe a year older than me, was stood at the side of the road, each with instruments, except two.

There were four of them, two less than the real Linkin Park. Somehow they were managing without the turntables. That's when I noticed the CD player. They must've recorded it on CD.

There was a short, blue-haired guy singing in Chester's place. He wasn't bad, but he kept going out of tune and couldn't scream to save his life. The guitar playing was the best bit about him.

But the rapper was a different case. He seemed to be holding the band together. He was almost double 'Chester's' height with brilliant red hair. His talent was something else.

The guy on drums was slightly smaller than the red-head, with lilac hair. He was alright, I suppose, but I've known better drummers.

And the bass player was a kid with a huge build. He had blonde hair.

The red-head rapper and I held eye contact as I passed. Now there's a pair of eyes I won't forget in a hurry! They held such a chilling glare; it was hard not to shudder.

As I walked on I listened to them continue.

_Sometimes I remember_

_The darkness of my past_

_Bringing back these memories_

_I wish I didn't_

_Sometimes I think of letting go_

_And never looking back_

_And never moving forward so_

_There would never be a past_

_Just washing it aside_

_All of the helplessness inside_

_Pretending I don't feel misplaced_

_Is so much simpler than change_

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Than face all this pain here all alone_

Dammit! Why does everything seem to be niggling at me, trying to make me feel guilty? Can't it just take a hint, or do I have to spell it out? I'm. Never. Going. Back. Got it? I'll be fine alone.

I was stuck in the bustle of a crowd, being pushed and pulled and barged out of the way all over the place. I'm not claustrophobic, but I needed to get out. I turned right into an alleyway in fear of suffocation.

I pressed my back against the cold brick wall, taking deep breaths and inhaling the stench of rotten fish. Just had to choose the alley where the fishmonger dumped his crap, didn't I?

I was about to put my earphones in when I noticed two dark figures entering the alley. They were both big built and looked very thuggish.

"What ya got there, kid?" asked one.

"I'm not a kid," I grunted.

The one who spoke first turned to his mate. "Look, Dex. Baby's crying. Should we take him to his mommy?"

Dex laughed. I took a couple of steps back, only to fall over a black bin bag and onto a trash can. The two yobs howled with laughter.

"Looks like he's learning to walk!"

My eyes remained fixed on the two.

"What shall we do, Chaud?" pondered Dex.

"What you got?" Chaud repeated.

"Nothing."

"Looked like something to me." Chaud signaled for Dex to take a look.

He dragged me up and ripped off my backpack.

"Not much," Dex groaned. "Clothes, food, keys. Wait! A CD player. Bingo!"

"That could be worth a bit." Chaud grinned. "Any CDs?"

"Yeah, four. They're a load of crap, though. He's a sweaty!" Dex spat at my feet.

"It's 'mosher'. I don't take kindly to offence like that, either," I threatened.

"What CDs, Dex?"

"Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Green Day. Can't flog these to anyone we know." He threw them on the floor along with my bag. I scooped them up.

"Give it back," I ordered.

Chaud, who had begun to walk away, turned his head. "We don't get commanded by rats like you."

I squared up to them. "And I don't get intimidated by cowards like you. You either give it back or I'm forced to hurt you."

"Well, that's not going to be possible, is it?" Chaud jeered.

I lunged forward, fist clenched. Before I knew it, my back was once again pressed against the wall. I was a couple of feet from the ground, with Dex's arm crushing my throat.

"What's wrong? Can't fight... your own battles?" I gasped.

"Save your breath. You'll need it."

"Hey! You let him down!"

My eyes looked left, my head unable to turn. I couldn't see a thing.

It was a matter of minutes of commotion before I was finally dropped, my knees coming in contact with the concrete rather hard. I knelt gulping for air.

"You alright?"

I looked up, and there they were. The guys that saved my life.

5


	3. Chapter 3 You Again

**Chapter Three: You Again**

I sat, still breathless, gazing up into those chilling blue eyes of the red-headed rapper. He gazed into my fiery red orbs, a look of concern on his face.

"You alright?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Yeah, thanks." I stood up somewhat precarious.

He held my arms until I was steady.

"What we gonna do with these two, Tala?" asked the lilac-haired drummer.

"Leave 'em there, Bryan. They're not our problem anymore," Tala said indifferently. "Here."

I took my CD player back and thanked him.

"Boy, they're gonna have one ugly headache when they wake."

"No kiddin', Spence!" chuckled Bryan.

"It'll teach 'em for messing with the Blitzkrieg Boys!" Tala clenched his fist like you do when you're victorious.

"Come on, Tala. Let's grab a bite to eat!" groaned the blue-haired kid who was singing when I passed them.

"Alright," he relented. "But we'll have to take our instruments back into the apartment first. Stanley's not going to look after them forever."

"Sure."

"Man, you eat too much, Ian," Spencer speculated.

"Not as much as you!" Ian exclaimed.

The four lads began to walk away. I was going to be left alone again. Well, until my stomach decided against it and growled.

Tala stood there and laughed. "You'd better come too!"

So I followed in silence all the way. Tala looked back once in a while to check I was still there.

We eventually came to a stop outside a small restaurant. The instruments were there, along with a burly man with a thick moustache.

"Cheers, Stan," Tala said.

"That's it, Tala. No more. I've got a restaurant to run. Now get 'em upstairs," Stanley grumbled before entering his place.

Tala pulled a face at him behind his back before helping Bryan with the drums. Tala and Bryan went in, followed by Ian with his guitar and Spencer with the bass.

"You couldn't bring in the CD player, could ya?" Spencer added.

"No problem." I followed with the CD player in one hand and my back pack in the other.

I just caught sight of Spencer's back, so I jogged a couple of steps to catch up. We went up a flight of stairs and entered a diminutive flat.

The walls of the living room were painted cool colours. The far wall with the window was sky blue, but the other three were a light, sort of dusty blue. Reminded me of 'home'. I bowed my head.

Tala looked, observing the sullenness about me.

"So, who's up for pizza?" Ian chirped.

"We can't, Ian. We don't have the money. Just get what's in the freezer," Tala replied.

Ian began rummaging around. "Ew! This is a month out of date!"

"Then bin it!" Bryan sighed.

Talk about bachelor pad...

"Sit down." Tala nodded to a space on the sofa next to him. I obeyed.

While the others were busy I took the time to thank Tala personally.

"Thanks. You really saved my skin back there."

"Don't mention it. Those two tried it on with me before. I wasn't as lucky as you, though. Got away with everything of value to me. Even took my locket. It had the only memoir left of my parents in it," Tala explained.

I nodded. I felt uneasy. Never really was any good at this sort of thing. "Sorry to hear it."

"We were in a fire two years ago. Everything was destroyed, including me. I'd lost my parents, my home, everything. Then I came here to Stan's."

"Who is Stanley anyway?" I wondered.

"He was a friend of my dad's, but we rarely ever get on. I think of him more of a landlord than anything. That's why we perform on the streets. We need the money to pay his bills. Okay, they're way below average costs, but it's difficult for a sixteen year old to get money nowadays," Tala clarified. "What's your story?"

"It's not that eventful," I said.

"Come on," he urged.

"I don't feel like talking about it."

"Okay." And he left it at that.

"So. What d'ya think of us star-studded stars?" Bryan questioned dropping next to me.

"My honest opinion?" I asked. "Tala's the only one keeping it together."

"Seriously?" He jumped up enraged. "No way!"

"Way. You guys are alright on your instruments and backing, but the vocals area is lacking. You need a stronger singer." I hastily added, "No offence, Ian."

"None taken."

"Okay, Mr. Smart-Alec. Let's see you do better," Bryan challenged.

"WHAT?" I howled.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. Come on," Tala directed.

We followed into a bare, virtually empty room. This must've been their practice area. I stood and watched as they set up.

"What song?" Ian asked.

"We want one just he will sing."

"Breaking The Habit then." Ian put the backing on.

Me and my big mouth...

"Sing into the microphone, if it helps. It's not on, but Ian usually does, pretending he's in front of people. Not much self-confidence, see?" Tala explained.

So I did. I positioned myself and let the words flow.

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_'Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than any time before_

_I have no options left again_

_I'll paint it on the walls_

_'Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

I turned and looked at the rest of the guys - Tala, Bryan, Ian and Spencer. They all seem to be in a state of shock, with their jaws hitting the floor. Then they all looked at Tala, who gave a gentle smile and held out his hand.

"Welcome to Team Blitzkrieg."

Now it was my tune to be surprised, but I took his hand nonetheless.

The others cheered and headed back into the living room, leaving me with Tala.

"What's your name, stranger?" he enquired.

"Name's Kai. Don't forget it."

Tala chuckled, shrugged his shoulders and joined his fellow band members. I decided to follow him, singing one of Linkin Park's greatest songs of all time in my head.

4


	4. Chapter 4 The Blitzkreig Bop

**Chapter Four: The Blitzkrieg Bop**

Kai's Flashback

I leant against the bedroom door, breathing heavily. I wiped my tear-stained cheeks. Clutched securely in my hand was my only option left. I couldn't go on living the life I was.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring emotionless.

_I'm nothing... Nothing at all... No use to anyone... So what's the point?.. Why carry on?.. Nobody needs me... I'm just a waste of space..._

On the floor was a range of different art materials: paints, pencils, felt tip pens. My favourite item nowadays seemed to be a crimson coloured marker.

I picked it up and walked over to a currently bare wall. The other three were covered in graffiti. I brought the nib to the paint of the wall and wrote in huge letters:

_I'M NOTHING._

Satisfied, I slid down the same wall and onto the floor, the knife still held tight. My breathing was still heavy and my heart pounding. I stayed there for a matter of minutes, listening out for footsteps. I wanted to be sure I wouldn't be interrupted.

The coast was soon clear. I brought the blade to my left wrist and made three deep gashes. As the crimson liquid poured out, I repeated the process in my other wrist.

My head began to swim and I went dizzy with both the pain and amount of blood loss. The images of my room went blurry and the last thing I saw was my message: I'M NOTHING.

I sat up straight in bed, panting deeply. I turned my head, expecting to see the red writing. Instead, I just saw a warm orange paint. I was still in the Blitzkrieg's flat. Tala was snoring his head off next to me, Bryan and Ian were in the other bedroom, and Spencer had kindly volunteered for the sofa.

I took the weight off my arms and brought them in front of me. I examined the six scars carefully, finding thoughts flooding my mind once again.

Trying to forget my past, I fell back asleep.

When I woke a few hours later, the others were already up.

"Good morning, sleepy head," Tala greeted. I smiled, rubbing my weary eyes.

"What's up? Did the Sandman give you extra helpings, or are you naturally lazy?" laughed Bryan.

"Probably a bit of both," I answered.

After breakfast Tala called us together. "Okay, for the purpose of newbie here, this is how we swing it round here."

"Blitzkrieg style!" Ian disturbed.

"Uh huh. Right, so we go just outside, do our thing, bat a few eyelashes, flash a few smiles, hopefully raise a bit of dosh and call it a day. Basic routine, guys," Tala clarified. "And guys, be passionate about this. It's what makes us happy."

"If Stanley's a friend, why don't you work in his restaurant?" I enquired.

"Because we kept getting the tables mixed up, and when we were put in the kitchen, Spencer gave five customers food poisoning and Bryan nearly chopped Ian's head off."

Both Bryan and Spencer gave innocent grins. If they had halos then they would be most certainly be tilted.

"It wasn't funny," growled Ian.

"And Kai, don't get nervous. Just sing like you did yesterday and we'll be fine," Tala encouraged.

I nodded. "Come on."

We headed out and set up.

"You choose, Kai," Tala said.

I thought about it and decided on one of my favourites, In The End.

_It starts with_

_One thing_

_I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try_

_Keep that in mind_

_I designed this rhyme_

_To explain in due time_

_All I know is_

_Time is a valuable thing_

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings_

_Watch it count down to the end of the day_

_The clock ticks life away_

_It's so unreal_

_I didn't look out below_

_Watch the time go right out the window_

_Trying to hold on but I didn't even know_

_I wasted it all just to watch you go_

_I kept everything inside and even though I tried_

_It all fell apart_

_What it meant to me will eventually be a memory_

_Of a time when_

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_One thing_

_I don't know why_

_I doesn't even matter how hard you try_

_Keep that in mind_

_I designed this rhyme_

_To remind myself how_

_I tried so hard_

_In spite of the way you were mocking me_

_Acting like I was part of your property_

_Remembering all the times you fought with me_

_I'm surprised it got so far_

_Things aren't the way they were before_

_You wouldn't even recognise me anymore_

_Not that you knew me back then_

_But it all comes back to me in the end_

_You kept everything inside and even though I tried_

_It all fell apart_

_What it meant to me will eventually be a memory _

_Of a time when I tried so hard_

_I put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

_For all this_

_There's only one thing you should know_

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

Tala and I looked at each other.

"Nice rapping."

"Nice singing."

"Thirty pence to see 'em kiss!" Bryan bellowed to the crowd we had attracted.

"Bryan!" Tala ran forward and planted a noogie right on his lilac head.

We spent quite a while performing, collecting quite a bit of cash. And to be honest, I'd had a blast with the guys. But even still, it got me thinking.

I left the mansion to get away, but I haven't done much escaping. I'd made my way into the town centre only to be beaten by a couple of bullies, then ended up staying the night in my rescuers' flat, and even got roped into their band.

I couldn't stay with them forever. I've got the next chapter of my story to write. But then, I suppose a few days wouldn't hurt, would it?

I followed the rest of the gang in. They were all in high spirits. No wonder, though.

"Here, Stan. This week's rent," Tala boasted somewhat gleefully.

"Already?" he said bewildered.

"Well, yeah. We don't know how good our next haul will be. We shoulda hired you earlier!" Bryan laughed.

We went upstairs into the apartment where they guys began fantasising over what they were going to buy with the money.

"Condensed milk," Spencer advised. "And coconut."

"Why?" wondered Ian.

"We can make coconut ice. Besides, if there's any of the milk left we could eat it. It's really sweet and thick and it looks like melted white chocolate and it tastes lovely."

We just laughed, but I agreed. "It's true. Tastes just as nice as Ready Brek!"

Everything was fine and dandy, but by the time I went to bed I was at my lowest point yet. The fact was, I was getting pretty attached to the team.

4


	5. Chapter 5 In Every Breath I Take

**Chapter Five: In Every Breath I Take**

I dreamt of life back at Balkov Abbey once again last night, once more waking in the silly hours drenched with sweat. It seems no matter how hard I try to disconnect myself with Voltaire, he always seeps in, especially when my guard is down.

"Okay, you know the routine, so let's get down to business. We haven't sung this one in a bit so our first priority is Figure 09," Tala briefed.

We got into position and rocked out.

_Nothing even stops all these thoughts_

_And the pain attached to them_

_Sometimes I wonder why this is happening_

_It's like nothing I can do_

_Will distract me when_

_I think of how I shot myself in the back again_

_'Cause from the infinite words I could say/ I_

_Put all the pain you gave to me on _

_Display/ But didn't_

_Realize/ Instead of setting it free/ I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

_It never goes away_

_Hearing your name/ The memories_

_Come back again_

_I remember when it started happening_

_I'd see you in every thought I had and then_

_The thoughts slowly found words_

_Attached to them_

_And I knew as I escaped away I was_

_Committing myself to them/ And every day I_

_Regret saying those things/ 'Cause now_

_I see/ That I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

_It never goes away_

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

_I can't separate myself from_

_What I've done_

_I've given up a part of me _

_I've let myself become you_

_Get away from_

_Me_

_Gimme me space back/ You gotta just_

_Go_

_Everything comes down to memories of_

_You_

_I've kept it in but now I'm letting you_

_Know_

_I've let you go_

_Get away from me_

_I've let myself become you_

_I've let myself become lost inside these_

_Thoughts of you_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

I looked across at Tala, who gazed at me in apprehension. I turned and sped back into the restaurant and up into the tiny flat.

I leant breathless against the door as I slammed it shut. Images flashed in my mind: the knife, the pool of blood, the message on the wall, the scars. But flickering there most of all was Voltaire's face. The way he leered, breathing down my neck, pushing me harder and harder until I was on the verge of snapping...

He's there in every dream, in every memory, in every breath I take, haunting me and striking fear in my heart. And I don't know how much more I can take.

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

These words repeated over and over again in my head like a track on loop. It was true, so what was the point in even trying? The memories were engraved in my head. I'd never be able to disconnect myself with my past.

I heard the Blitzkrieg Boys outside. Ian had obviously taken my place.

_When I pretend_

_Everything is what I want it to be_

_I look exactly like what you had always_

_Wanted to see_

_When I pretend_

_I can forget about the criminal I am_

_Stealing second after second just 'cause_

_I know I can/ But_

_I can't pretend this is the way_

_It will stay/ I'm just_

_Trying to bend the truth_

_I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be_

_So I'm_

_Lying my way from you_

_No/ No turning back now_

_I wanna be pushed aside_

_So let me go_

_No/ No turning back now_

_Let me take back my life_

_I'd rather be all alone_

_No turning back now_

_Anywhere on my own_

_'Cause I can see_

_No/ No turning back now_

_The very worst part of you_

_Is me_

_I remember what they taught to me_

_Remember condescending talk_

_Of who I ought to be_

_Remember listening to all of that_

_And this again_

_So I pretended up a person who was fitting in_

_But now you think this person_

_Really is me and I'm_

_Trying to bend the truth_

_But the more I push_

_The more I'm pulling away_

_'Cause I'm_

_Lying my way from you_

_This isn't what I wanted to be_

_I never thought that what I said_

_Would have you running from me_

_Like this_

_The very worst part of you_

_The very worst part of you_

_Is me_

What was the point of me living if I had nothing to live for? My whole existence was one huge lie.

I went into the kitchen area, pulled out a drawer and retrieved the sharpest knife I could find. I lifted up the sleeves of my LP hoody and brought the blade to my wrists.

The scars... They stared at me, reminding me of my previous failed attempt. I stuffed it in my pocket, snatched up my back pack and stormed back outside.

"Kai?" Tala blinked. "Where are you going?"

I completely blanked him and walked on.

"Hey! Tala!" Spencer called.

"Just look after the instruments for a while! Kai, wait up! Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving," I replied, yet again carrying on. "I can't stay with you. I've things to do, people to meet."

"You mean escaping to do and people to run away from," Tala said. This time I stopped.

"What?"

"You think I've no clue. I know the likes of you. There's some big, dark secret in your past and you've kept it locked away and now you're running from it in hope of breaking away from that secret."

Exact words for the exact predicament...

"Just get back to your Linkin Park-wannabe band," I scowled.

"You were part of that band too!" Tala growled.

"I didn't have much say!" I roared. We were stood facing each other, eyes fixed on the other's pair. "I wouldn't be like this if you hadn't forced me to sing!"

"Well, screw you, Kai! If you can't be man enough about it, then fine. Suit yourself." He turned his back and walked away in a rage.

_Ponce_, I thought angrily. _What does he know about manliness anyway? He looks like he's barely out of nappies!_

I was still walking a couple of hours later and had nearly extinguished my snack supply. And, of course, I wasn't feeling all that happy once again.

Maybe I shouldn't have said what I did to Tala. He looked out for me. He gave me shelter. He was... a friend.

Night had fallen. Everyone was tucked snugly in their beds, looking forward to the day ahead. Well, all except me.

Once more I was out here alone, in the freezing cold. Snow was falling, but even that couldn't lift my spirits. Tala kept prying on my mind.

I looked up to see a single star. It was just the beginning of the night, so that must've been the very first to appear. I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

_Wishing star, burning bright, won't you grant my wish tonight? I pray for Tala to forgive me. It's just one tiny thing. Please,_ I secretly wished. Usually I don't believe in superstitious stuff like that, but I felt it was worth a shot, at least once. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!

With that over and done, I carried on, hoping and praying for my one solitary wish to come true. That, and that someone, preferably my parents, was by my side.

4


	6. Chapter 6 The Twilight Zone

**Chapter Six: The Twilight Zone**

Kai's Flashback

_"Grandpa, what are we doing?" I yawned. "It's midnight. Well past my bedtime."_

_"I'm just going to show you something, Kai," said a mellower Voltaire. My hand was gently clutched in his._

_"Where are we going?"_

_"You'll see," Voltaire replied softly._

_Our journey took us to an isolated playground. It was very grassy and organic. It really was beautiful. Voltaire dragged me to the top of a hill, where there stood but one grand oak tree._

_We lay back, resting on the soft grass. I looked to see a field of diamonds glittering against a background of black velvet._

_"Whoa! Man, the stars are pretty," I speculated._

_We spent a few minutes in silence, gazing up at the stars. Voltaire was the first to speak._

_"Kai, you may be too young to understand, but do you want to know about Mummy and Daddy?"_

"Yes" I replied. "I miss them so much."

_"I know you do. I do, too," sympathized Voltaire. "But you're going to have to live your life without them."_

_I turned my head. "Why?"_

_He sighed. "You see the stars? Well, they're up there. They're one of them."_

_"Which ones?" My grandfather remained silent. I smiled. "Hello, Mommy! Hi, Daddy!"_

1


	7. Chapter 7 Diamonds and Rubies

**Chapter Seven: Diamonds and Rubies**

So that ruled out my parents, but I still like to think they're here, watching over me. Sorta gives me the confidence I need.

But they're not here; they're in heaven, after they died on the job. They were archaeologists and were working in Egypt, examining one of the pharaohs' tombs. They were murdered by a pair of tomb robbers.

I walked on under the sheet of black velvet, thinking of how much I missed them and how much I wished to be with them.

My music blasted in my ears, but this time it was My Chemical Romance's album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. It was track thirteen, the last song, playing.

_Another knife in my hands_

_A stain the never comes off_

That's my favourite part of the song, but don't ask me why.

I stared up at the sky, the stars twinkling like they did back when I was four.

_And we'll live again_

_We'll laugh again_

_We'll cry again_

_And we'll dance again_

_And it's better off this way_

_So much better off this way_

_Well never again_

_Well never again_

_They gave us two shots to the back of the head_

_And we're all dead now_

Is it better off that way? I suppose it is if you're like me.

I sat down on a steel bench, gazing around at the huge, majestic buildings of St. Petersburg. Many around here were banks and stuff that dealt with money. I hadn't really been to this part much, mainly because I don't need to. But it was a lovely part of town. Behind me the fountain sprayed the back of my neck. I looked round and stared at my reflection. What could I see? I saw a lonely and depressed child with emotional scars and was trying desperately to retreat from his past. And all that was given up by my fiery eyes. Could that have been what Tala looked at?

I truly did miss Tala and crew. They were the closest thing to a family I had. And like the fool I am, I threw it away.

The moon and stars were also reflected, staring at me. They were gorgeous.

The silence surrounding me seemed to pick away at me, stretching me until I was on the edge. Despite the fact that I was, I hated feeling alone. I'd have preferred somebody by my side any day. But the truth was that I'd been isolated for too long, and the darkness in my heart was staying for good.

_And we'll live again_

_We'll laugh again_

_We'll cry again_

_And we'll dance again_

_And it's better off this way_

_So much better off this way_

I decided it then, staring at the glistening liquid, that for me it was better off that way. Why didn't I do it before? Two reasons: Tala would've found me, and my last attempt was bad enough.

I dug into my bag and retrieved the knife I 'borrowed' from Tala's apartment. This time I didn't give a damn about the scars. Nobody was around to disturb me.

**Tala's P.O.V.**

I walked on through the pouring rain, past Barclays and Halifax and into the square. I'm sure I heard footsteps around here earlier. I sighed, thinking back to guys at Stan's restaurant.

As I got deeper into the square I noticed the main focal point, the marble fountain. It was meant to be lucky to throw in a penny, but I've never tried. I've sorta kept to the saying 'every penny counts'.

I began rapping to myself.

_Peep the style and the kids checking for it_

_The number one question is_

_How could you ignore it?_

_We drop right back in the cut_

_Over basement tracks_

_With raps that got you backing this up like_

_Rewind that_

_We're just rolling with the rhythm_

_Rise from the ashes of stylistic division_

_With these non-stop lyrics of life living_

_Not to be forgotten_

_But still unforgiven_

_But in the meantime there are those who wanna_

_Talk this and that/ So I suppose_

_It gets to the point where feelings gotta get hurt_

_And get dirty with the people spreading the dirt_

I hummed the rest, deciding... well... I really couldn't be bothered. I didn't feel the same, not now. If only Kai hadn't left.

The fountain was now in full view, the water glistening with the moonlight. I stopped, staring at a silhouette leaning limp against the edge of the monument. I instantly recognised the outrageous hair as Kai's and rushed over.

He was unconscious. Crimson liquid stained his once blue denim jeans and some had dripped into the water, merging with the stars like diamonds and rubies.

I panicked. I wasn't very good around blood, but I ran to the nearest phone box and the dialled the emergency services. I explained the predicament and after ending the call, darted back to our former front man.

I took out two white shirts from his bag and wrapped them around his bleeding wrists, applying pressure to attempt to control the blood flow.

"Come on, Kai," I whispered. "Don't die on me. I called 999. The ambulance will be here soon."

And sure enough, it was. The lights dazzled me. I felt helpless as the paramedics took over. Somehow I felt like I hadn't done everything I possibly could.

The journey to the hospital was an agonising one. They were still battling to get him stable.

"Is he going to be alright?" I asked.

The driver replied, "We're doing everything we can, but because of the amount of blood loss, it doesn't look good for him. It's highly likely that he's not going to make it. Poor kid, wonder what him do it."

I felt my eyes swell. I was fixated upon Kai.

"What we got?"

"Kai Hiwatari. Fifteen year old male with deep cuts to both wrists."

I stopped, watching them wheel him off to wherever he was going.

"Are you a relative?" asked a woman in a blue uniform.

"Yes," I lied.

"Come with me. I'll take you to the relatives' room."

1


	8. Chapter 8 AFL, AFF Part One

**Chapter Eight: A Forgotten Life, A Forgotten Friend (Part One)**

**Kai's P.O.V.**

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

_Damn._

Beep... Beep...

_Dammit!_

Beep... Beep... Beep...

_Don't they get the freaking idea? I don't wanna be here!_

"So he's gonna be okay?"

_God, Tala. When I have the energy I'm gonna wring that neck of yours!_

"Hopefully."

_You may hope. Maybe it's good news for you, but not me._

"Phew. I was worried."

_Sure you were, Tala._

"We're going to have to keep a close eye on him, make sure nothing happens, but everything should be alright."

_Nothing's ever going to be alright. I'm just another screwed up waste of space. Let me go already._

"Thought we'd lost you for a while there, bud."

_Hah! As if he's ever going to let me out of his sight from now on. And if he calls me bud..._

"Glad I found you when I did, pal."

_Or pal..._

"You owe me your life, mate!"

_Or anything else that indicates we're friends, then I think I'll put this oxygen mask on him and blow him up until he bursts!_

"Well, maybe not your life..."

_If you'd have left me, I wouldn't have a life to owe anyway. Geez._

"Hmm, can you hear me, Kai?"

_Loud and clear... Unfortunately..._

"Blink three times if you can, once if you can't, and twice if you can only hear bits."

_How stupid do you think I am?_

"Heh, at least you didn't reply. Must be pretty dumb if you do."

_Yeah, well, I ain't you._

"What you gonna do when you get discharged?"

_Get as far away from you as possible and try it all over again. Duh! That was obvious! Wait, why am I talking to myself? I'm more like Tala than I thought. What a scary concept!_

"Dude, wake up. I wanna know you're alright."

_I'll give you alright! Just wait until I can be bothered to open my eyes!_

"Hey! Let's start a journey together!"

_WHAT? _My eyes flickered open.

"Kai!" Tala gasped. "You're awake! I'm so happy you're alive!"

I gave a weak smile. I noticed how tired he looked. Okay, all the stuff I said in my mind really wasn't fair. I shouldn't take my frustration out on him. Though blowing him up with oxygen would be hilarious.

"Nurse, he's awake," the red-head informed.

"Good, that's a positive sign. I'll just get the doctor. Won't be two minutes." She hurried off.

"Want me to wait outside?" Tala pondered.

"Please," I replied. My voice was harsh and my throat dry.

The nurse returned with the doctor and Tala stepped outside.

The doctor looked pretty young, mid-twenties maybe, and was, well, proper punk. He had light green hair and a lip ring off to one side. The whole of his left ear was pierced all the way down, too.

Dr. Kadowaki did a general examination, all the while talking to me, calming me ever so silently.

"We've got your bag," he said, placing the stethoscope on my chest. "Everything's there and it's being kept safe. Oh, and don't worry, I told the guys to handle the Linkin Park hoody with care."

I chuckled lightly. "Cheers."

"You're welcome. Any medical problems? Epilepsy, diabetes?"

"Nope."

"Allergies?"

"Nothing apart from Christmas."

He laughed. Then came the statement I was dreading.

"So, you gonna tell me why you did that?"

I turned my head and stared out the window at the grey clouds. It was going to snow.

"It won't do you any good just bottling it up inside. Trust me. You'll feel a whole lot better talking to somebody," he explained.

"'Kay," I relented. "But can you tell Tala to come in? I don't want to repeat it twice."

Dr. K. drew back the curtain and beckoned Tala in.

"What's going on?" Tala asked.

"Shut up, listen, let him talk," Dr. K. ordered. Tala pulled up a chair. "Begin."

I took a deep breath. "It all began when my parents were murdered. I was sent to Balkov Abbey, the mansion west of here, to be cared for and raised by my grandfather. He saw me as a piece of scum, however, treating me more like a dog than a grandchild. Things weren't that bad until the day of my fourteenth birthday. His birthday suddenly spiralled out of control and he found himself losing profits. He hit the bottle in search of some sort of comfort or relief. Then the aggression started."

Tala and Dr. Kadowaki listened on attentively.

"Life got so unbearable, and I was so alone. I couldn't take it anymore. The anguish was imprinting emotional scars, later to turn into physical ones. Then about a week ago I ran away. But I've found things aren't getting better, and they're going to. I'm just a waste, a piece of dirt, and you should've just left me!"

Dr. Kadowaki clenched my forearm. "I promise you this; things are going to get a whole lot easier from now on. I'll get a counsellor for you to see. Talking will get rid of the pain."

"I don't want to see a counsellor!" I rebelled. "I just want a friendly face."

"I think you've got one here." The doctor left me and Tala alone.

"He's right, Kai."

"Tala," I sighed. "We've known each other for two days. You really think I'm going pour my heart out to you? I only told you what I did because I had to."

"Kai, we've known each other longer than that," Tala explained. He brandished a photo from his pocket. It showed two young boys, a red-head and one with blue hair.

"Huh?" I pulled a face in confusion. The picture seemed to bring back hazy memories, but I couldn't pick out many details. Who said that was even me, anyway?

"You really don't remember a thing, do you?" Tala sat on the edge of the bed, his back turned to me. "It was ten years ago..."

**Flashback**

_"Tala!"_

_"Huh? Oh, hi."_

_I stopped next to my best friend in the whole of the Abbey's Training Centre. "What's up?"_

_"Nothing," he replied. I could see behind his lies. I was only five, but I wasn't stupid._

_"There's something wrong."_

_Tala sighed. "I'm leaving your gramp's group."_

_"So where you going to?" I enquired. "Don't tell me you're gonna quit blading!"_

_"No! Of course not! I wouldn't let all this practice go to waste!" Tala confirmed._

_"Then what?"_

_"Voltaire thinks it's best if I go to Boris' group."_

_"But, isn't Boris in Moscow, Tal?" I asked. He nodded silently._

"It was the worst day of my life, going there and leaving you behind," Tala grumbled.

"I remember now," I mumbled in return. Somehow I had mixed emotions about all this. Joy, anger, surprise. Still, a friend lost and found must means some sort of turning point in my life, right?

4


	9. Chapter 9 STATUS Permanent Hiatus

**Chapter Nine: STATUS: Permanent Hiatus**

I spent four gruelling days in hospital before I was finally discharged. Hospital food is revolting! And all the sick people around me made me a little uncomfortable, especially with the rising number of MRSA cases.

I turned at the front entrance and face Dr. Kadowaki.

"Thanks for everything, Dr. K."

"Don't mention, Kai. It's my job." He grinned.

"I don't think looking after spoilt brats is in the job description."

"Trust me, it is. Hidden in the small print," he laughed. "Besides, I know what you've been through. Here. A little present from me to you." The doctor held out a neatly wrapped square-shaped package, roughly five inches squared.

I unwrapped it to reveal Good Charlotte's album. I'd borrowed it during the days I was in, mainly because I was bored.

"But it's yours. And I don't have anything for you. I can't take it," I explained and held it out. He outstretched his arms, held the CD case and pushed it back towards me.

"It doesn't matter," he said softly. "You've given me reason to carry on."

I looked into his eyes. "What do you mean?"

He smiled gently. I looked back down to where his hands clutched the case. Those horrible scars on his wrists, just like mine.

"Take care," he said, pulling away. "Look after him, okay?"

Tala nodded.

I gazed after the punk doctor, thinking for the first time that it was strange to se a doctor in a hospital looking like that, before following Tala out.

"I guess this is goodbye," I murmured.

"Guess so," he muttered in return.

"Besides, you've got the guys to get back to."

Tala looked at the sun. "No I haven't."

I turned to him. "What?"

"We had this huge bust up and they sorta decided to go on without me. That was about an hour before I found you slumped over the fountain," Tala clarified.

We spent a few awkward moments stood in silence before Tala began to walk away. He grunted goodbye.

"Wait!" I shouted. "You don't have to go through this alone."

Tala looked over his shoulder. "Really?" He seemed sceptical about it all.

"Really. Dude, I'm here, aren't I?" I said. "Kai's Story can go on a permanent hiatus. We can write the next chapter together.

"Kai's Story?" Tala sniggered. "Man, you're delirious."

"Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment," I replied. "Well, what do you say?"

He stood in thought for a few seconds before smiling, and said, "Yeah, why not?"

_Yeah. Why not?_ I thought. _It'd be great to have somebody by my side._


	10. Chapter 10 Birthday Wishes, Crimbo Cheer

**Chapter Ten: Birthday Wishes, Christmas Cheer**

I shivered. "Gonna be a right Christmas, ain't it?"

Tala laughed, his teeth chattering too. "Maybe we could buy each other a coat for a present?"

"It'd be much more useful than a pair of socks. Well, maybe not when feet smell as bad as yours do!" I wrapped my arms around me.

"I'll ignore that for your sake," Tala grumbled.

"Ooh, he's being kind. He must be getting into the Crimbo spirit," I joked.

"Bah humbug!"

"Bah humbug indeed."

I sneezed violently. Tala laughed at the side of me so I whacked him over the head. He muttered something about me being an idiot and so forth.

A few minutes later Tala sneezed even harder and I found my sides splitting.

"Don't laugh!"

I wiped my eyes. "Why? You did."

"Yeah, but that's me. I'm special," Tala informed.

"In your dreams!" I exclaimed, before bursting out laughing once again. "Ah! Gerrof!"

The red head had me in a head lock, planting a great noogie on my head. I suppose the friction was heating me up, so maybe he was doing me a favour. Either way, I didn't like it, so I miraculously reversed it and yanked his arm up his back.

"Ow!" he yelped. "I _was_ going to say happy birthday but since you're being this cruel!"

"How'd you find out it was my birthday?" I asked, stretching his arm further. "I never told you. C'mon, I want answers."

"Kai, get off! Everyone's staring at us."

"So, let them gaze. Men's eyes were made to stare," I recited. "I will not budge for one man's pleasure, I."

"Isn't that from Romeo and Juliet?" Tala pondered.

"Uh huh. I was Romeo in the school production," I boasted.

"Ponce-language, that's what it is. Are you gonna let me go or what?"

"When I feel like it."

He groaned. "And when's that gonna be?"

"When I decide! Shut up!"

We wasted a couple of minutes mucking around – as in Tala trying to kick me where it hurts so I released him, and me, despite his struggling, just not giving a damn. However, I eventually let him free.

"Well, that was fun," I groaned. I noticed Tala looked very sceptical about that. "What we gonna do now?"

"Well, it's Christmas and your birthday, so how about we go get presents!" Tala said sarcastically.

I grabbed his arm. "Are you mocking me?"

"No!"

I shook my head.

We headed into the town centre to find each other's gift and were to rendezvous at the fountain at fourteen hundred hours. I really didn't fancy seeing that bit so soon, but hey, life goes on.

I tried numerous shops, and thought of gazillions of gifts, but I couldn't help thinking that I was looking in the wrong places for the wring things. I honestly didn't have a clue to what Tala enjoyed, so I was pretty much at a loss.

_I suppose a pair of socks wouldn't be that bad!_ I thought. _Wonder if he likes some sort ofjewelry._

So I decided to check those places out, to no luck. I had one question stuck in the back of my head: gold or silver? I thought about silver to contrast with his hair, but then I remembered that I was allergic to silver, so it turned my fingers green. What if Tala was the same? That left me with gold, but they associate that with chavs, and Tala despises them with a passion.

So what now? I was virtually defeated.

The smelly stuff. Cologne, whatever you call it... I took a whiff of a few and walked back out, deciding that was a definite no-no.

So maybe something electronic. Perhaps an MP3 player, but in the end I was looking more for one for me.

There must be something!

How about a brand spanking new mobile phone? Yeah! I cussed, examining the prices. No! I know I'm the grandson of a multi-billionaire, but I'm homeless and can't afford to waste money on stuff so over-rated price-wise.

I sat on a bench with a cup of tea, staring at the window of a clock and watch shop. I frequently took a drink, but it didn't really register. I just carried on with my gaze at the store.

That was it! A watch for his wrist! He was terrible with the time, so that should help.

Two o'clock… I was sat on the edge of the fountain with the back of my neck being sprayed by foam, waiting for that red-headed procrastinator. Told you he couldn't keep track of time.

I sat fidgeting for half an hour before he finally arrived.

"Sorry I'm late. It's Christmas. The queues are three miles long," Tala exaggerated. "I got you your Crimbo and your b-day prezzie. Here you go," he said and handed me a small gift bag.

Inside was one of those cute and diddy cakes and a blue plastic box.

I shared the cake with Tala (it was nice) before opening the box. It revealed a gold chain with a cross pendant.

"I saw that and instantly liked it," Tala explained. "I didn't know if you were religious or not, but then I realised you didn't have to be to wear one of these."

"Yeah, I am," I replied. "I used to go to church every Sunday, until other priorities crept up. I still pray and everything, though. God, Tala. I love it."

"Put it on then, you goof!"

So I did. "Thank you so much, Tala."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "Happy sixteenth."


	11. Chapter 11 Drawn to the Past

**Chapter Eleven: Drawn To The Past**

I stopped unexpectedly. "Crap!"

"What?" asked a startled Tala.

"I've got a dentist appointment!"

"Skip it," Tala replied indifferently.

"I can't," I groaned. "I'm getting braces fitted."

"Ooh, can't skip that. You'll end up looking like a beaver," he joked. "What ya gonna do?"

There was a moment of silence. "I'm going to have to go back. I mean, he's going to have to come."

"Why? You're sixteen," pondered the rapper.

"How else am I going to get there? We haven't got enough time to walk."

Although I was reluctant to return, I decided to. The fact was I'd have to face my past once again anyway, in the end.

I swallowed hard as Balkov Abbey loomed ever closer. Before I knew it I was pushing open the iron gates and rapping hard on the door with my knuckles.

I heard a click, the handle was pushed down and the door opened, revealing an old burly character wearing some sort of cloak. His eyes widened in shock before morphing that expression into anger.

"I'm disappointed in you, my grandson," said Voltaire softly.

"Spare us the lecture, gramps!" Tala spat. "We're here for Kai's braces and then we're gone."

"Come in, you two," he insisted. "Allow me to get ready." Voltaire slinked off into a different room.

I stood staring at my shoes for a bit.

"Nice pad!" Tala said in awe.

"Yeah, well, it's not my place anymore."

Voltaire returned moments later. "We should go now."

He led us to a black car waiting in the drive. We all filed into the back seats.

"Nice car!"

"Shut it, Tal."

"You could just stay the night," Voltaire suggested. "You mustn't have had a good night's sleep since you left."

"Not really. "I had to keep him sweet. "They weren't bad."

"Then stay home tonight."

"I'm sorry Grandpa, but I just can't call that mansion home anymore," I mumbled.

He insisted again, "Whether or not you give it that title, please stay."

I relented. "Fine, but only tonight. We're gone as soon as we wake, though."

Voltaire nodded to show he understood and we sat the rest of the journey in silence.

I hate dentists. I really do. I've never had any treatment – apart from now – only check-ups, but I'm still scared stiff of them. And today was no different. I sat rigid in the chair, gripping the arms for dear life. So you can imagine how I was by the time we returned, my teeth 'shinier' than ever.

As I got out the driver spoke. "It's good to have you back, Master Kai. May I ask where you where you've been?"

I sighed. "Thanks, Greg. Maybe I'll tell you some other time."

Dinner was splendid. It was Sunday roast with turkey and peas and carrots, broccoli and sprouts and the stuff most teenagers wouldn't dare touch. Tala piled it all down, like he'd never had a meal all his life. It was a wonder he had enough room for dessert – a chocolate fudge gateaux.

The hours just flew by and soon it was dark.

I grasped the cold metal of the door handle, turned it and opened the door.

"Whoa!" Tala gasped. "Um, bit of the artistic type, aren't ya?"

"You could say that," I grumbled.

I sat on the edge of my bed while Tala began bouncing on the spare.

"Whee!" he squealed, turning 360 degrees. "Huh?"

"What?" I asked, noticing he'd stopped. "Don't tell me you've broken it."

"No, I haven't." He stepped down and walked to the far wall. "I'm nothing?"

I purposely occupied myself with a random book. "Oh. That's nice." I suddenly fell short of breath.

"No it isn't. That's what it says on your wall." He stared up at it. "Crimson, like blood. Who did this?"

I sat, clenched my fists and gulped for air. I couldn't breathe.

"You did, didn't you?" he pondered. "Kai? You alright?"

"Tala," I gasped and he rushed over.

"Hey, don't worry. It's only a panic attack. Just take deep breaths," Tala comforted. After a minute, I was fine. "There we go."

"I can't stay here, Tala. I honestly can't. Not with my memories," I cried.

He wiped away my tears. "Yes, you can. I know it."

Tala was right. My slumber was unusually blissful. Maybe it was because of him, maybe it wasn't. But anyway, I'd done what I needed to do and now was the time to get on with everything else.

---

**_I seriously dislike this chapter. Came during a writer's block and couldn't think of a decent reason to return. Oh well._**


	12. Chapter 12 Under Pressure

**Chapter Twelve: Under Pressure**

"Well done."

"What for?"

"Facing your past."

"Oh. Um, thanks," I grumbled.

"Yeah, well," Tala stuttered. "Anyway, it got me thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"About what you said. You said you couldn't stay here," Tala explained.

"That's nice," I said indifferently. "Carry on."

"Well, I thought… we could get out of here."

I frowned, leaning against Tala's back. It was like one of those surreal moments, when there's only you and everyone else is walking in slow motion.

"What do you mean 'out of here'?" I asked.

"Well, out of St Petersburg. We could go to Moscow, or Vyborg, or out of Russia altogether. From what I've heard, Japan's a pretty cool place," Tala urged.

I bowed my head, still supporting and being supported by Tala.

"I dunno. This is where I was born. Everything's here. My friends, my parents' graves, even my memories, no matter how bad they may be. The fact remains that my life lies in this city," I sighed.

"I just want what's best for you, and no matter what you say, this isn't it," Tala said gently. He turned his head and looked to me.

"But…"

"Everything will be just fine, Kai. How else would be how we are now?" This time Tala turned fully, almost causing me to fall. "Come on. Let's go. We can start afresh. Leave the bad memories behind and create new ones. It'll be the time of your life! Frankly, this isn't our home and we're not welcome."

I caught the tune emitting from a shop opposite.

_When this began_

_I had nothing to say_

_And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me_

_I was confused_

_And I'd let it all out to find_

_That I'm not the only person with these things in mind_

_Inside of me_

_But all the vacancy the words revealed_

_Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel_

_Nothing to lose_

_Just stuck/ Hollow and alone_

_And the fault is my own_

_The fault is my own_

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_What I thought was never real_

_I want to let go of the pain I've held so long_

_Erase all the pain 'til it's gone_

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along_

_Somewhere I belong_

_And I've got nothing to say_

_I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face_

_I was confused_

_Looking everywhere only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind_

_So what am I_

_What do I have but negativity_

'_Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me_

_Nothing to lose_

_Nothing to gain_

_Hollow and alone_

_And the fault is my own_

_The fault is my own_

_I will never know_

_Myself until I do this on my own_

_And I will never feel_

_Anything else until my wounds are healed_

_I will never be_

_Anything 'til I break away from me_

_And I will break away_

_I'll find myself today_

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel like I'm_

_Somewhere I belong_

As much as I hated to admit it, Tala was right. This place didn't mean anything to me anymore.

"You can have time to…"

I leapt up. "I don't need time to think about it. Yeah, I'm up for it. I've got to stop relying on other people. I need to do things by myself for once."

Tala beamed. "I'll get the tickets."


	13. Chapter 13 AFL, AFF Part Two

**Chapter Thirteen: A Forgotten Life, A Forgotten Friend (Part 2)**

"What do you mean, you haven't got the tickets?"

"Exactly what it implies. I didn't get the tickets."

"So... I'm stuck in Russia?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"I suppose? Is that all you can say?"

Tala said nothing.

"And now you won't even say _anything_! Oh!" I turned and punched the brick wall behind me. "OW!"

Tala shook his head and began to walk off. "You can be such a prat sometimes. Come on."

"I'm the prat?" I exclaimed. "Oh, in the name of all things un-freaking-holy..." I moped after him.

"Yes, you are. Don't you think you're overreacting just a tiny bit?" Tala wondered.

"Well, if you'd have had the same experiences as me, then you'd be feeling pretty much like I am now... DISAPPOINTED!"

"Can it, Kai."

"Don't you DARE tell me to shut up! You've not been through what I have. You don't know about my pain," I shot back.

"And neither do you! What about me?" Tala roared. He let out a sigh of frustration and walked on.

"I'm... sorry."

Tala sobered immediately. "Ah, you weren't to know."

We ambled along for a couple of hours, neither of us speaking much. The most we seemed to be able to manage was "left here" or "I think we're lost".

_Wow, Blink 182 are even more popular now than they were when they were together,_ I thought, listening to 'I Miss You' as I went past a clothes store.

"I miss you," I sang involuntarily along with Mark in the background.

Tala spun round. "What on earth?"

"Just singing. Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head."

"You're so irritating."

"You wanna try living with yourself!" I joked.

"Just... Oh! Forget it!" Tala whined.

I scowled. "Who rattled your cage?"

Tala shrugged me off and began to walk faster. "Just keep up or I'll lose you, and that's not a great loss to me."

I don't know why it got to me, but it did, and I felt my eyes burn. I followed at a brisk pace, but in a sort of daydream.

_Why is he acting like this?.. He's been alright with me until now... What could possibly be wrong?_

_I hope it isn't something I've said... He seemed pretty mad earlier when he said I didn't know about his pain... Maybe I should talk to him about it..._

_Nah... I'd probably make things worse, knowing me..._

_But what the hell is causing this?.. What if... What if I'm the one who's causing his pain?.. What if he doesn't want me here?.. No, he would've told me... Wouldn't he?.._

_Well, surely... I mean... He looked after me... He gave me shelter... help... a friend... He wouldn't just be putting up with me... because he had to... would he?_

I bowed my head and my pace slowed. I could see Tala ahead getting further and further away from me. Then I stopped and turned right back round.

_My place isn't here... Not with Tala... Or anybody else for that matter... I don't belong where I am... If only Tala had those tickets... I would've been free..._

_I know now that there isn't anything left for me to gain... or lose... by staying here... I need to get away... Broaden my horizons... Start a new life..._

_Surely, somewhere else in that wide world waiting for me, there's someone who'll want me... who'll need me..._

_I could go to Europe...Or Japan... Anywhere except here..._

I stumbled on, banging into disgruntled people accidentally. I decided to listen to my music so I put American Idiot into my CD player.

Just a little, pointless fact here, but did you know that Green Day were recently voted as BEST BAND ON THE PLANET by Kerrang? It's true. They were.

After a while - sixteen minutes exactly - the track moved on to Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.

_I walk a lonely road_

_The only one that I have ever know_

_Don't know where it goes_

_But it's home to me_

_And I walk alone_

_I walk this empty street_

_On the boulevard of broken dreams_

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk alone_

_I walk alone, I walk alone_

_I walk alone and I walk a-_

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone_

_A-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah..._

_I'm walking down the line_

_That divides me somewhere in my mind_

_On the borderline of the edge_

_And where I walk alone_

_Read between the lines_

_What's fucked up and everything's things alright_

_Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive_

_And I walk alone_

_I walk alone, I walk alone_

_I walk alone and I walk a-_

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone_

_A-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah, a-ah... I walk alone and I walk a-_

_I walk this empty street_

_On the boulevard of broken dreams_

_Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one_

_And I walk a-_

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone_

How I love angst songs. They hold such meaning and feeling. And the words are so true.

I walked on through the pouring rain, not bothering on where I was headed. It didn't matter anymore. I was gone, free to be who I wanted to be without being ridiculed for it.

I walked past a group of kids. They shouted, mocking me for my clothes and the like. I blanked them and walked on.

"Hey! You!" ordered one. He must've been their ringleader. "Get back here, you wannabe."

"I stop for no one."

"What are you? William Shakespeare's son?"

"It's none of your business, so keep out of it."

"Ooh," the blonde mocked. "He's going all gothic and depressing on me. I'm quaking in my boots."

"I'll give you something to shake about," I threatened, now facing him.

The guy scowled. "You really think you're something, huh?"

"I _know_ I'm something, so you better run on home. I can hear your mommy calling," I jeered.

He screwed up his face again. "Do you know who're you're messing with?"

"From here it looks like the tooth fairy. Am I mistaken?"

"Prissy boy. You're dealing with the Ballas gang."

"Should I be scared? Now, if the Mafia were after me, then that's a different case all together."

"I'll show you the consequences of mocking me," the lad said. "For these purposes only, my name's Ivan."

"And I'm George W. Bush. Pleased to meet you."

"Don't get cocky."

"Ah, that sucks. I was having fun winding you up. You've spoiled my day now."

The blonde kid darted forward, his fist clenched. I deftly stepped to the side.

I laughed. "That all you got? I see you were just full of hot air."

"As if you've got better!"

"Trust me, I have."

I crouched down and brought my unsuspecting victim down with a sweeping kick. He leant back against his arms.

"That's it. Enough."

"Just what I was thinking."

Ivan lunged forward once more, this time colliding with me. I wiped my mouth. His fluke of a punch gave me a bloody lip.

"What's going on? Enough!"

I turned to see the familiar red head walking down the street.

"Tala?"

"Shoulda known it was you, Kai. Shove off!" he called to the Ballas dudes.

Ivan walked over to Tala and whispered in his ear. "I've kept mine, now don't you forget about your end of the deal." He turned the next corner.

"What was that all about?" I wondered.

"Nothing. I just owe him a favour from a long while back. But meanwhile, what do you think you were doing, running off like that?"

I sulked slightly. "It's my decision."

"I know, but we're meant to be mates."

For some reason, Tala seemed... different. He sounded... perhaps more mature. I don't know, but he seemed kinda distant and brooding.

"...We are."

By now, the rain was coming down heavier than anytime before. My hair seemed softer as it drooped in a sort of sad way.

"Where we going?" I asked. Tala was taking me through a connection of unfamiliar back alleyways. None of it seemed to ring any bells in my mind. It was like we were in the other part of the city. "Where are we going?" I repeated.

Still no answer.

Ahead, I could just make out in the dim light, was a group of shady characters. Upon further inspection, I instantly recognised them as the Ballas gang.

"Tala?" I was completely insecure about this whole predicament now.

Here I was in unfamiliar territory, unsure about what was going on, with my best friend acting like I've never known.

I stopped dead, examining my surroundings. On every wall was a green and purple 'Ballas' tag. There were also a fair few rap band logos painted on too. This alley definitely did not feel welcoming.

Tala reached into the pocket of his jeans and took out a wad of cash, handing it over to Ivan, who all the while smiled smugly at me. Then a package was handed to Tala, but I couldn't make out what.

As he turned, however, I identified it. It was a gun, pointing straight at me.

"Tala?" I asked once more, my voice sounding somewhat hollow. "What? How? I don't understand."

"You don't _have_ to understand. Just shut up," Tala answered with a menacing glare.

My breathing became heavy. I wiped sweat from my brow. Despite my past suicide attempts, I really didn't want to die right now.

"Tala, stop this please. You don't want to do this. We're friends, right?" I said, my voice shaking.

"Of course I want this, and we've never been friends. I've been leading you on the whole time. You're such a naive little boy, aren't you? Also a spoilt brat, as ever."

"I don't understand! I need to make some sense of all! Tell me, what's going on?" I ran my fingers through my hair.

_What's going off? I really don't understand. Tala's not like this. Is he?_

_Why's he doing this? I thought we were cool._

_I wish I knew the reason. Is it something I've said, done?_

_I NEED TO KNOW!_

"Such a fool. You thought you had me sussed, didn't you?" Tala mocked. "Well you were wrong. You know nothing about me."

"I know enough to say you're not like this."

"I am! I don't give a DAMN about you or anybody else for that matter. _You_ are the source of my misery. _You_ are the reason why I'm like this. _You_ are the poison coursing through my veins. Just face it, Kai. You're the one who's made your death inevitable."

_I'm the source of his misery? How? What have I done?_

_I wish he would just tell me what he's going on about, and stop messing with my head..._

"Tell me, Tala, why you're like this? I don't understand anything at all right now. I can't make anything of this. What have I ever done?" I pleaded. I was beyond desperation.

"What have you done?" he repeated. "Little things that have driven me up the wall for eleven years. You were always there, in my face. You were always the best at everything."

"Back at Balkov Abbey? Tala, for God's Sake. That's water under the bridge!"

"Maybe for you, Kai. But you weren't second-best all the time. In every blading exam, you were always top of class. You always passed with flying colours while each of us struggled. In the cafeteria you always got the best pick, despite the fact that everyone else had to have all the crap."

"I can't help any of that! Think of my age! I was five, six years old. You really think I knew about that at the time?" I argued.

Tala remained silent for a while. "You thought that because your grandfather ran the place you were top dog. Well, you can imagine how everyone else felt. We didn't come from a wealthy generation like you. We had to build up the respect and the like from scratch. We didn't have a package already installed."

"Please explain why any of this is my fault."

"Even the time when you went behind your grandpa's back you got away with it! He told you over and over and over to leave Black Dranzer alone! But you were too fixated on its power. You deliberately set out one night and you knew what you were after: that blade. You found what you were looking for, and more. You took it off its launcher, and placed it on your own, launching it into the dish, regardless of Voltaire's warnings! And you burnt down the whole of Balkov Abbey in a matter of hours! Every little morsel of the building was destroyed! And guess what? You got let off, because you were his _grandson_! Now you tell me why you are allowed that privilege?"

_What? I don't... It's not my fault... That was Voltaire's choice... I regret it now, I honestly do..._

"Well enough. You're just the same. Selfish, just thinking about yourself."

_How? The suicide attempts?_

_Please Tala, no. You can't do this. You won't take another soul's life. I know it._

I could feel it. The tension was that thick now you could slice it with a knife. It was building up to the climax, and then the trigger would be pulled, and I'd just be another broken soul.

"It's time you got what you got your just desserts."

Tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I tried to speak, but my throat was so harsh and the words wouldn't come.

Tala's arm raised and I found myself staring down a loaded gun. His finger put pressure on the trigger...

_Bang!_

"No!" I managed to scream. The tears began to flow more like a river now, as what I saw nearly made me sick.

Tala lay on the ground in a pool of his own crimson blood, staining the white shirt he wore. His eyes looked glazed and empty as police officers ran over to his lifeless body. The one who shot him came to me. I turned away, not feeling hatred, but something just as strong. Disgust. I don't know.

My fingers were tingling, my eyes burning, and my legs were numb, making me unable to walk. My knees gave way and I landed in a pair of arms unfamiliar yet loving. I cried into them.

"There, there, dear. Everything will be alright now. You're safe." I looked up to see a man and woman, possibly in their early forties, crouched down to the level I was at, concern on their faces.

_Everything will be okay?_

_Will it?_

_Or are things about to get a whole lot worse?_

_I honestly don't know anymore..._


	14. Chapter 14 As The Story Goes

**Chapter Fifteen: As The Story Goes...**

I wouldn't allow myself to grieve. I cried, of course I did. But, I don't think it was out of emotion, more shock. Tala tried to _kill _me. I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun, even after all we'd been through. Personally, I don't consider that much of a friend.

I didn't feel a thing for him anymore. The cops shot him, so what? He brought it on himself. He decided he was going to murder me; he made that decision by himself. It was him, or me. And it's their job to get rid of the world's scum.

If he'd have shot me, and I'd died, then the consequences would have been much worse. If he'd shot me, then more innocent lives would've been claimed by him. And nobody wants that.

There's a saying in the Bible: If you live by the sword, then you die by the sword. In Tala's case, it was the same, but with a gun. Tala's death was his punishment for his sins; I've no doubt about that. I'm just grateful that God was looking over me that day. I mean, I'm not exactly a complete saint, but He forgave me, even for my sins. I suppose Tala just stepped over the line, if it works that way.

But as stories go, I carried on with my life. It's been a year since that fateful day...

I went to live with the couple that comforted me when Tala was shot. They cared for me dearly, and I loved them in return like I would with my biological parents. I couldn't have wished for anybody better. They loved me, fulfilled my every need, and encouraged me with my schoolwork and stuff like that. Heck, they even grounded me! But that didn't matter. I'd just hold my hands up and admit I'd been up to mischief, whereas with Voltaire I'd kick up a fuss. They understood me so well, and just sorta seemed to know what to do. If I was depressed, they'd give me some space. If I was hyperactive, they'd mess around with me for a bit. If I was mischievous, they'd put me straight back into line. It was just like we shared some sort of bond. And for once in my life I was... happy. I was content with what I had, and a lot of the time I was even delighted to visit my grandfather. Life was perfect.

I left school at sixteen. I knew what job I had in mind, and I had the grades to back it up. I knew it would be hard though, and I'd have to work extremely hard and put in a lot of money and dedication. But my 'parents' were with me every step of the way, and I finally made a break through into the music industry. Now I'm the lead singer in a major rock band, as well as being their guitarist. 'Fragmented' is one of the most recognised bands around right now. I'm not quite sure why, but everyone tells me it's because of the deep, down-to-earth lyrics that Wyatt and I write. We prefer to write about our experiences in life, and try to incorporate it into a sort of story. Our story.

It's really quite fun being with the guys. We always perform daft stunts on stage. We're all a bit mental, you see? Sometimes we totally regret them afterwards, but it's all good fun, and really gets the crowd going. Despite the fun we have, however, we're all ready to just get down to work and carry on with our songs. They're rather depressing, if you listen to the words, but we try to make them mean something. The tunes change every time. We try to make our music available to a wider audience. We won't stray away from the rock genre, but just change elements slightly. One minute we'd be writing really heavy stuff and the next we'd be writing something a little more punk.

My social life isn't too bad either. I still find it difficult to trust people, but I've always felt like that, partly because of Voltaire. I have a close bond with the guys in the band, of course, but I've also got a few friends outside of it. They know about what happened, so they also understand. We often just hang about at the skate park, showing off to each other half of the time. I'm not a bad skater, myself. My best friend, Wyatt, was the one who got me into skateboarding. Wyatt's great. He pulls off all these gravity-defying tricks that are just completely impossible. Nobody comes close. I think he's better than that Tony Hawk guy sometimes. Anyway, we'd practise there, and then head off to the greatest place on Earth: Shadow Heart. It's a mosher/skater/punk/goth cafe. It's a social area for all and totally rocks. We'd all have a drink, maybe a slice of pizza and just talk about anything. I loved everything about it.

So although one of my closest friends had died, it became more of an opportunity for a real life for me. And I gladly took it. This was the final chapter in Kai's Story. It doesn't end there, of course, but my life had changed for the better, and I doubt many things can go wrong now, not unnaturally, at least. There obviously will be times when I'd want to throw in the towel, but that's just another part of life. So this is how it ends. I hope you've... heh... _enjoyed_ my misfortunes, and thank you for being there, listening to my story. Maybe we'll meet again, who knows?

**- Kai**

- - -

_Oh my God! I don't believe it! Yes, that was the final chapter! Kai's Story is finished! So how did you guys like it?_


End file.
